


Bold in a barren and desolate land

by convenientflame



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Explicit Sexual Content, Grief/Mourning, Hair-pulling, M/M, Moving On, Past Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji - Freeform, Post-Side Story: Garden of Light
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-20
Updated: 2020-10-20
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:48:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27124057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/convenientflame/pseuds/convenientflame
Summary: Eiji never could cut his hair again after Ash died. Years pass before he feels ready for it, ready to move on at all. When he’s ready, Sing is there to help in whatever way he needs.
Relationships: Okumura Eiji/Sing Soo-Ling
Comments: 7
Kudos: 30





	Bold in a barren and desolate land

**Author's Note:**

> Post-Garden of Light, because my boys deserve love and growth and happiness

Over seven years pass before Eiji starts to really, truly believe his heart can move on. Some things come easier, but it takes him several weeks of debate before he thinks he can cut his hair again. He decides it on a whim, but it’s suddenly important, necessary.

He’s already decided, but the moment it seems crucial is so small, he should be capable of overlooking it. He can’t. Sing smiles at him as they cross paths in the hallway, playfully flips a strand of hair out of Eiji’s face, but otherwise walks away. Like his doubts are suddenly tossed away out of his face so he can see clearly.

“Sing, wait.”

He turns to look back at Eiji, who feels nervous, unsure if he should even ask. If it’s something he should figure out on his own. But he doesn’t want to be alone anymore, not even in this.

“I need your help with something.”

He can’t say it out loud yet, but Sing follows when he walks away. He digs through several bins and drawers while Sing patiently watches, waits. He only asks once what they’re doing, but Eiji’s discomfort must be evident on his face, because Sing doesn’t ask again.

When he finally finds hair-cutting shears, he presses them into Sing’s hand.

“Would you help me with this?”

Sing’s eyebrows narrow in confusion. “You know where I keep mine. Why didn’t you just take those?”

Eiji looks away, still nervous, but determined. A combination of feelings that he should feel accustomed to by now.

“Ash asked me to cut his hair once. I suspected he didn’t think I would be willing, but I did. It wasn’t anything, not really. But it stuck with me. I didn’t even realize how much it did until I found these right before I went back to Japan. It was sentimental instinct to take them with me, but I could barely look at these after- after I heard the news. And then cutting it didn’t matter for a long time.”

Sing doesn’t hesitate to reach out, placing his hand on top of Eiji’s head, sliding fingers down the length of his hair until he twists the end of a strand gently with a couple fingers, thumb stroking it softly. He steps close but does nothing except kiss the hair in his hand.

It should look like an odd gesture, but it makes Eiji want to melt.

“If your hair is long because- for Ash, for any reason, don’t cut it because of me.”

Eiji smiles at him, places his own hand over Sing’s. He loves how insightful he is, how much he seems to understand how Eiji feels. The brightness in Sing’s eyes is so gentle, earnest, and makes it feel almost easy to be just as honest.

“I didn’t grow it long consciously. It wasn’t a priority, I forgot, and then I realized I liked it. But I also realized the long hair made me feel different. Like I wasn’t the Eiji he knew, like he wouldn’t recognize me. Like _I_ wouldn’t recognize myself, so I could pretend to be someone different. Someone happier.”

Eiji doesn’t know if it’s Sing who moves first or himself, but he does know it’s his choice to rest his head on Sing’s shoulder while big arms wrap around him. He tries not to compare Sing’s arms to a memory he can barely feel, tries to let this moment wash the old away. He tries to stay here, in this moment, instead of the past.

Eiji pulls away to sniffle and wipe at his face. Sing cups his face with one hand, that same earnest look so intense up close. The thumb under his eye swipes gently over his cheekbone.

“If this is important to you, it needs to be what you want. It can’t be about Ash.”

The thing is, Eiji can always tell Sing is desperate for them both to move on to something new, something that’s theirs and not Ash, but he never pushes more than Eiji is willing.

And that makes it so much easier to take Sing by the hand to lead him to the bathroom mirror. They’re mostly quiet while Sing carefully snips away. Sing occasionally checks with him as he works, makes sure he’s doing what Eiji wants. Eiji smiles whenever their eyes meet in the mirror. It’s slow-going - maybe because he’s being careful, but mostly because Sing keeps stopping to leave featherlight kisses on Eiji’s ears, cheekbones, forehead. Sometimes Sing leans in close while he combs his fingers through Eiji’s hair longer than necessary. Eiji closes his eyes to savor the feeling.

It’s nice. Fingertips scratching gently at his scalp, Sing’s lips gentle on the skin behind his ear, on his jaw. He doesn’t mean to groan when Sing stops, pulling away to continue snipping away hair, but the noise slips out unbidden anyway. Still, he doesn’t open his eyes until he feels tapping on his cheek.

“I need you to look,” Sing says, his voice low. “Eiji.”

He says his name so quietly, Eiji could almost believe it was anyone saying. And more than anyone else, he’s glad it’s Sing. He opens his eyes to that earnest face and he’s so glad it’s Sing here with him, gently smirking back at him.

“I meant look at your hair, not me. But you can look at me later.”

Eiji blushes and looks away to his own reflection. It feels like he’s looking back in time. The haircut is a rough imitation of what it was years ago, but it’s close enough to startle him.

Eiji reaches up to touch his hair. It’s different, and his face is different. Features sharper, older in a way Ash will never see, and he hates that he’s changed when Ash never had the same chance, that they didn’t get to watch time change them both.

“He,” Eiji starts, barely a whisper. “His-“

He doesn’t know where the words are taking him but Sing stops him with one of his own hands over Eiji’s.

“Not his. _Yours_.” Sing looks so sad as he says it that Eiji has to turn around to face him directly.

“Not yours, Sing?”

“Whatever makes you happy. Really happy. You know that’s all I want.”

Sing, so patient with him always, suddenly looks so resigned to whatever fate and Eiji hand him. Eiji can’t stand it and, with a hand around the back of Sing’s head, pulls him into a kiss. It’s not their first but Sing looks genuinely shocked. Eiji draws away to kiss the corner of his mouth before creating the smallest distance between them.

“When are you going to chase your own happiness, Sing? I think we could find ours together. Don’t you?”

Sing doesn’t respond verbally, but wraps his hands around Eiji’s hips to pull him ever closer.

It’s easy to lose himself in kissing Sing. He thinks it shouldn’t be, but under those hands, big and warm and holding him close, he feels so safe and comforted. Enclosed by the sheer size of Sing around him, Eiji’s emboldened to cup his free hand around Sing’s jaw, to keep him close.

Sing shifts a hand to grip tightly under Eiji’s ass, lifting him easily onto the low countertop, and it startles him. It’s no effort for Sing but leaves Eiji buzzing. On instinct, he wraps his legs around Sing, and every point of contact between them is suddenly more intense, the soft warmth between them hotter, more urgent. Sing still looms over him, enveloping him so he’s all Eiji can see.

Sing pulls his face away for a moment, concern etched there, and it’s the only time it’s frustrated Eiji to see it.

“Wait,” he says and Eiji listens while trailing fingers along Sing’s collarbone. “Are you sure— are we—“

“Yes,” Eiji cuts him off, doesn’t leave room for hesitation between them. “Definitely.”

Eiji leans in to nip lightly at the pulse point in Sing’s neck before leaving a trail along his collarbone with tongue and lips and teeth in turn. Sing leans into him, hands so tight around his waist that Eiji wonders if bruises will blossom later. He lets his hands wander down Sing’s chest, under his shirt, gentle and exploratory over soft skin and powerful muscles, moving everywhere until he brushes over a nipple and it sends Sing _keening_. He does it again, and again, until Sing lets go to hold Eiji’s chin and kiss him, hard and deep. If it weren’t for the arousal coiling inside him so tight he could snap, he could stay there forever.

Eiji pulls him in with his legs, and Sing follows without resistance until they’re pressed up against each other, clinging tightly.

“Can I-“ Sing starts to ask with a hand on Eiji’s waistband.

“Please,” he interrupts, impatient.

Sing, to his credit, doesn’t waste any time. He pushes Eiji’s pants off as far as he can, then lifts him up for Eiji to push them off the rest of the way. He almost doesn’t, so distracted by how hot it is that Sing can hold him up with so little effort. But he hurries, and Sing immediately has his hands all over him.

One hand wraps around Eiji’s cock so easily that it makes his head spin. He can’t look away from where Sing’s thumb spirals around the head of his dick repeatedly before he starts enthusiastically jerking Eiji off. He grumbles a halfhearted complaint when he can’t watch anymore as Sing blocks his view by leaning in close. His breath on Eiji’s neck is hot before his teeth graze skin. It sends a shiver down his spine.

He pulls Sing in tight with a hand on the back of his head and the other down the back of his pants, squeezing tight and tugging hair just enough that Sing’s movements stutter for a moment before scraping his teeth on Eiji’s neck hard enough to bruise.

“Yeah?” Eiji asks, his voice already breathy, needy. “This works for you?”

Experimentally, Eiji tugs his hair again, and he’s not disappointed when Sing _whines_ at him. It’s gorgeous. Pressed so closely together, it’s easy to feel Sing’s cock twitch within his pants. Eiji wants to see him, feel him, and can’t wait any longer.

He works the fastenings on Sing’s pants, shoving everything down as far as he can in one motion until Sing kicks it off the rest of the way and he’s left in the same state of undress as Eiji is. When Sing pauses to trail fingers lightly down the length of Eiji’s jaw, Eiji grows impatient.

“Come on, sweetheart,” Eiji whispers, restless.

At Eiji’s urging, or maybe at the endearment, Sing’s face softens. Even as he slides three fingers into Eiji’s mouth. Eiji doesn’t disappoint him. He sucks them in, doesn’t leave the smallest bit unexplored. His tongue moving over them in every way he can think of to elicit Sing’s face going slack with awe.

He pulls his hand away again, starts to say “you’re so-“ before cutting himself off to kiss Eiji again. This time it’s a hard mess of impatient teeth and tongues colliding. Sing’s spit-slick hand wraps around both their dicks easily and it makes Eiji twitch with arousal.

Sing keeps leaning into his space, eclipsing him. His size always makes Eiji feel safe, and right now it’s the sexiest thing in the world. He can’t see where Sing has them both in hand, but it’s a small price to pay to feel so utterly wrapped up in his touch and his affection. 

When he feels Sing’s other hand slide underneath him to rub a thumb around his hole, Eiji freezes. He can’t focus on their mouths anymore and throws his head back. Sing chases him, leaves wet, messy kisses along his throat.

“You’re beautiful, Eiji,” Sing finally manages before returning to his ministrations. “Are you still here with me?”

There’s nowhere else he’d want to be. Nobody else he wants with him like this. He nods, then lifts his head up to look directly in those dark eyes. There he sees need and urgency, but also an unfathomable kindness.

“Yes. I- I am, Sing. Keep- keep going.”

Eiji can’t help wrapping a hand of his own around Sing’s, needs to be there with him, to feel them together, as he strokes them both faster, harder. His other hand lands in Sing’s hair again, just holding onto him.

It doesn’t take long. Eiji’s close when he tugs again on Sing’s hair, harder than before. It makes Sing gasp, dick twitching against Eiji’s and his rhythm stuttering. Eiji starts to let go, but Sing stops him with-

“No. Do it again.”

Hearing that sends excitement coursing through him. It’s a lot, and Eiji nearly comes undone right then. Instead he does as he’s asked and pulls hard, and doesn’t wait long before doing it again. Sing buries his face in the crook of Eiji’s neck when he comes. He whispers indecipherable praises, muffled by Eiji’s skin.

His hand slows and his grip slackens. Eiji groans but starts to push his hand away to finish himself, but it must be enough to alert Sing, who doesn’t let him take over. Eiji expects him to adjust his grip to release himself and focus only on Eiji, but he doesn’t. He knows Sing must be oversensitive, but he keeps his hand on both their dicks, hand sliding his own sticky release over them.

Eiji doesn’t mean to yank on Sing’s hair again. He really doesn’t intend to, but it happens. He would apologize but Sing _yelps_ and he finds that he’s not sorry at all.

“Baby, please,” Sing whines.

Already close, the pet name is too much, and Eiji sees stars when he spills all over their interlaced hands. Groggy, he leans his forehead on Sing’s shoulder to catch his breath. He wants to stay in this moment for a lifetime, basking in the lingering joy.

Sing lets go of him, starts to reach for the sink, but Eiji grabs his wrist, and brings his hand close.

“I can take care of you, too, sweetheart.” The endearment feels just as natural falling from his lips as it did earlier in the heat of the moment.

He licks a line up the center of Sing’s palm before sucking one finger into his mouth at a time. One at a time, drawing a finger in, so much slower and more thorough than earlier. And not for one moment does he break eye contact with Sing, whose eyes darken, and it makes Eiji feel so wanted and adored, maybe even powerful.

When Eiji’s lips wrap around his thumb, Sing finally yanks his hand away.

“You’re going to make me-“ Sing almost looks embarrassed to say it. Maybe he is, as he ducks away for a damp towel to clean up both of them. “I wanted to take care of _you_.”

Eiji waits to respond until Sing’s thoroughly wiped them both down. When Sing looks at him again, Eiji wraps an arm around his shoulders - and god, they really are huge shoulders - to pull him with a hand on his neck until their foreheads bump gently. Sing smiles, somehow almost shy after all that.

“Hey. Together, right? So, I’m gonna be here taking care of you too, even if it makes you hot and bothered.”

Sing laughs and it’s so beautiful, its overwhelming. Eiji thinks he didn’t properly see the beauty in other people for a long time after Ash, but it was so wrong to ignore that the joy and beauty everywhere. Especially right here in front him.

Eiji wants to bask in the sound, in their combined warmth, and Sing laughs until Eiji kisses him, which doesn’t take long. Mouths soft and lingering, reluctant to pull away, Eiji smiles into it. When Sing does create distance, it’s only to stroke his hair gently.

He’s suddenly overwhelmed by how happily he would stay here forever. How glad he is to stand with Sing and face whatever comes their way. One look at Sing’s face and he knows that he’s loved, and it doesn’t feel impossible at all to return it.

The love in his heart for Ash will always be a part of him, but there was room for more than one person in his heart. And it was time for that list to include himself, his future, and Sing.

**Author's Note:**

> Come hang out with me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/convenientflame) or on [tumblr](http://midnightfistfights.tumblr.com)!


End file.
